Saturday, 6 June 2015

Past and future

Opened up to those good and old memories sometimes hurts me to the core , yeah im serious af okay .

Taktahu cemana boleh terbukak topik pasal relationship aku yang lama tu . Ye , the only relay dalam hidup aku buat masa ni lah . Lol hahaha , we can never predict how our future would turn out .

Yes , aku admit those good and old memories was damn hard to forget just like that . Aku taktahu aku bebetul move on ke belum . Ntahlahnak . Why bringing up 3 years ago punya benda ? Lol to myself lah

Sebab aku susah nak ada perasaan betul-betul kat orang . Sebab aku rasa aku terlampau jadi jenis yang reserved and a keeper person , indeed . I search fr the best so that i could have that the best fr the rest in my life , kan? 

I don't intend to search fr the perfect one . nope . I don't search fr the perfect looks ( i know well how does i look ) , talking abt rich damn it money can't buy happiness bear that in mind because bluarghh men nowadays said women being materialistic and so on lol but what i look in the first place is a perfect soul that could match with mine . 

Growing up , and i do realized how important to have that kind of partner, I once read some good pieces of words from tumblr , how amazing that one day we have someone in our life that we can talk abt anything , random and deep conversation , that one person that can be our listener to anything we rants--
that was how i changed my mind yeah to marry someone ( bfore this i always refused lol ) yes i even told my parents idk fr countless times maybe , i really hate the fact that we need to get married someday , i felt like im putting my life at risks if im marrying someone lol how immature i was back then maybe too many watched those drama melayu yang kadang kadang ntah pape lah kan 

That shows how biggest my fear was back then sampai taknak kawin bagai ahahahahahha actually sampai sekarang tapi tengah pelan pelan nak berubah kekeke . I once had someone that yes i can call special , once weh . Itulah pertama kali aku try break my ice inside me , learn to accept someone . Everything was cool at the beginning till yeah the most thing yang aku paling takut jadi , semua benda tu hilang . The pain ? Hurts as hell . Sampai sekarang trauma tapi aku tau semua tu ada hikmah kan? Kalau ikutkan malas nak ingat balik gagaga tapi i can't lie to myself , aku still tak lupa semua tu . 

I even have a thought agak agak dia ingat lagi ke aku ? Bongok juga fikir macamtu padahal he got someone else now hahah , lets just pray fr his happiness kan ? For now , focus jelah design hahaha . One fine day , ada jugak nanti ahahahhahahahahahahahahah k.

So that is it , enough fr now i write too long and rant too much lol .