Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Why is it so hard to control your own self-thoughts?


Saturday, 11 March 2017

Sebab aku taktahu nak turn to siapa dah, aku rasa starting 20s ni aku tak ada sesiapa pun yang buat aku rasa aku boleh bergantung harap, baik nak rants pasal problems to deep conversation or nak mengadu apa apa jelah. I know it sounds clingy tapi aku je yang faham diri aku. Aku start rasa orang sekeliling sekadar memenuhi adat dunia yang mana "we are not alone in this word" . Sekadar penuhkan space dalam dunia ni. 

I mean it, really. The only gem I've got is family. The closest to me. Tu pun aku rasa sejak aku masuk course a r c h i ni aku makin susah nak fahamkan diri aku dimata diorang atau diorang yang tak faham aku. Ntah. Nak mengadu penat is really like, curah air ke pokok keladi if i have to picture the situation. Berbalik balik pada aku nanti, "semua benda dalam dunia susah".
Okay. I got that.


Kawan? Circle aku makin kecik. Sikitpun tak heran. Ntah, aku paling perasan yang aku ni makin cepat done dengan orang, lagi lagi yang jenis yang cari pasal tak tentu hala dari buat otak aku semak serabut baik aku ignore je. Senang. Orang kata macam putuskan silaturrahim lel dah daripada aku kawan tapi nanti  gaduh balik maki belakang caci mengumpat dia pastu fake smile dedepan, lagi elok aku buat taktahu je hidup aku bahagia dia pun boleh move on dengan perangai tak tentu hala tu. Aku pun sekarang suka je berborak dengan orang tapi ada limit or else aku penat. Ni masalah orang introvert.  Tak faham, kau tak rasa. Kenapa tak control? Kenapa kau nak terkencing? Tahan jelah. 

Aku pun sekarang ni kalau boleh pilih, aku nak selalu menyendiri. Except kalau dekat rumah, aku rasa belonged. Other than that, aku prefer alone tapi kalau melibatkan orang lain aku takdehal cuma aku mesti kena ada masa aku nak rejuvenate. Nak refresh balik energy. Aku lagi senang gerak mana mana dengan diri aku je. Susah payah aku, aku tanggung. Takde orang komplen penat sekali. Aku rasa nak susahkan diri sendiri pun taklah rasa bersalah sebab there's only me myself . Aku rasa bebas. Bukan maksudnya aku nak freedom so that i can do anything, tapi aku lagi selesa. Aku bukan nak clubbing ke apa lmao crowded places aint my thing. 


Sebenarnya aku nak cerita pasal aku makint penat taktahulah kenapa. Shit. Tapi aku dah mengantuk gila. Ciao! 


Friday, 3 March 2017

Salam.


Hi, actually i am currently reading bts's fancafe when out of blue i found myself staring at blogger apps, wanting to shout out my feelings.

I don't know.
Have you ever feel, when you're reading a good stories or writing then the urge to write also come, too. Bcs , i do. I always amazed those people who could express their feelings best and use high grade words. Other than few Malaysian's artis which I respect em, Korean got bunches  who's very good using their vocab maybe bcs they always work on musics and compose the lyrics. That's why i think. I always need that mood when you want to rant comes so I'll write good words. I need the comfort, the surrounding or even people around you so you'll get inspiration to write. It's either  good mood or in bad situation, you can express everything coolly and well.

Sometimes, bcs i love rainy day i always appreciate every drops coming down from the sky. Hearing the sound already makes me calm and i always long for it. Sometimes when I'm too immersed with my feelings, i will start climbing back all the memories I cherished. Too bad, we all couldn't turn back time to live the memories back. What's this, i talk craps ugh i need to stay on the track


I'm writing this at the end of my procrastinating kind of day. Internship starting this Monday and i suddenly feels so lazy but as we grew older we got to be more responsible incase to survive in this world. Why im so bad at this suddenly idk what to write gosh 


I'll come back later ;)))