Tuesday, 23 February 2016

Some free times ft thoughts

I dont know how this night i ended up to come back here, to write something sincerely from the bottom of my heart. Thought i will abandon this blog cause actually to be very honest i could take care of my own thoughts , i can express myself quite well just sometimws i can slip myself and get lost in my own world like how i used to in the past but heol thats rarely happen now Alhamdulillah :)


Time flies, surely right?
How crazy sometimes i get whenever reality hits me and i realised that i am actually not a teenager anymore. Not a girl but hey imma lady now .
I am 20 years old for god sake.

Yeah. 
Idk. What slipped in my mind right now actually how things so different back then when i was a kid to now.
Hella different to compare to.

When i started to think about my future. How will i work by myself? To survive by my own when now i am still a student still depending on my parents.

How will my marriage turn out?
Will i get to taste my own happiness untill i gets old?

How will my children look alike and behave?

Gosh, so many things running inside my mind lately.
Insane me.


But then something pulled me to think those thing harder, how things used to be in the past.

My childhood.
Opah and atok when they were still around.
Old times with my cousins and relatives.
My school memories.
And such.



I missed everything.
I missed everything.
I missed everything.
In the past.

I can never say this to anyone not even my family members nor my close friens,too.
 

But seeing time passes by,
My heary aches.
So much, really.

Tho i really loves growing up.
I can have my own money.
I can buy anything for my family, thats priority and is a must.
I will have my own family and raise my children--

But then, i HAVE to
Accept things will changes eventually.
What scared me the most is,
My parents will growing older.

Call me a crybaby or what i dont even givva shit cause yes, i love them so so unconditionally and thats the truest ever love in my life.

Haha duh i sound so clingy right now. Ugh what the. 

But then, who am i?
Time's moving.
I cannot stop everything or even pause a bit sigh what even to flashback.
Gotta cherish everything. Lives in every moment i have. So there will be no regrets in the future ;)

Whatta long post cause i type using my phone orite i'll end it here sigh

My sem breaks almost ended, i hate it i hate being separated with my parents and siblings i hate when i have to push myself to struggle with my studies i hate when i couldnt get enough rest and sleep i hate classes with strict lects i hate whenever i have to face same old dramas over there with some people i cant seem to be close and left me awkwardly but sadly i hate getting bad grades ugh lmao i want to be at home, only but heol that aint gonna happen boo! Xoxo :)