dalam kita cuba genggam rantai-rantai yang ada

tak semua akan kekal di jari.

ada yang terputus dua.

ada yang semakin menegang.

ada yang tetap utuh.

yang terputus, tidak mampu disambung.

yang menegang harap boleh dikendur dan utuh semula

walau mungkin rantainya tak seutuh dulu,

bisa jadi mereput dan tetap putus.

aku bersyukur untuk yang masih utuh.

terima kasih.

the honest & unspoken feelings.

kau tahu aku paling jujur sama siapa selain tuhan?

hiasan diatas sana.

langit & awan.

juga bintang & bulan.

setiap emosi dan rasa yang terselit dijiwa

aku tumpahkan kepada mereka.

sama ada sisa atau secara total.

walau sekadar dengan melepaskan pandangan.

tapi tenang tu datang.

rasa macam dibalas bicara & dipujuk.

permulaan yang berkali, lagi.

tuhan izin aku mulakan semuanya,

sekali lagi?

maafkan segala kegelinciran, kekecewaan & segala yang tumbuh bukan dari asalnya.

aku meletakkan kamu di tempat paling agung, Maha Segalanya.

jiwa & raga aku serahkan.

moga semua yang baik-baik untuk aku, keluarga & agamaku.

little eenie.

found eenie's photo when she was my palm's size.

my heart still breaks thinking that i dont have

a lot picture of hers.

you'll always in kakak's heart.

kalau jumpa ali & abu kat sana cakap kakak rindu.

abdul pun, oyen, utih & kabu pun

 :(

 

my ennie.

harini aku hilang kucing aku, name given jennie.

but we called her ennie. to make it sounds cute.

after i lost 3 kittens before this & 2 cats went missing

i thought i could give in this easily.

sadly, no.

ffs, yang ni dah grown really attached to me.

before this aku kerja, jarang gila dia nak datang ke aku

even panggil pun, tak sahut.

but since aku resign & duduk rumah,

she literally became very very clingy.

like whenever nampak aku,

terus lari dengan mulut bising dia.

duduk depan bilik mengiau 

sampai aku buka pintu & let her in.

damn, aku dah sedih.

you know what's the worst?

THE FACT THAT I GOT NONE HER PICTURE
IN MY PHONE GALLERY?!

fuck me.

seriously.

2 hari lepas dia baru tidur dengan aku.

few hours before dia kena langgar,

dia duduk atas riba aku, tengok muka aku.

nasib aku peluk dia.

now, tell me macam mana aku nak ingat muka dia

when my own memory even gettin worst nowadays.

damn u nadia.

seriously.

i got tons yang lain, how come ennie never u took?

sorry i have to rants here.

aku nak ada memory dengan dia.

even not in visual, but in form of words pun jadilah.

aku nak ingat dia pernah ada dalam hidup aku.

shit.

tonight gonna be very tough.

sigh

reset.

22 tahun aku hidup, setiap permulaan diiringi penuh 

rasa harapan, sarat dengan persoalan dan tepu dengan

sabar yang tiada penghujungnya.

aku lupa, masih wujud permulaan yang sarat dengan

luka dan penuh dengan kedinginan yang mencengkam.

permulaan untuk melupakan sesuatu yang pernah

berharga. dan seseorang yang selalu memenuhkan

tiap rasa dalam ruang yang wujud di atmosfera aku.

sakitnya, mahu melupakan dan mengambil langkah

pertama dengan kau tahu perlu buang tiap cebisan seseorang

di kotak memori.

ada button reset, untuk aku reset semuanya?

200818

12.03 a.m.

notes iphone

it's okay & go.

 it's okay

if you have no idea whats going on between you & him

it's okay

to not have the exact terms to describe your relationship

because he doesnt seems to validate it

it's okay 

if he still unsure about everything

it's okay 

maybe it's your time to make a move

go.

don't ever turn back.

he don't deserve you.

because,

if he truly loves , needs & wants you

he won't make you confused , puzzled & questioned 

everything.

he'll show you.

so listen to me,

go.

a good heart shines.

This morning macam biasa after sarapan dengan ibu kitorang stay for some talks.

Could be anything slipped in our mind. Sometimes aku looking forward borak borak 

dengan ibu sebab rasa healing sangat moment tu.  Boleh jadi masa lepas makan, 

masa tengah masak, sambil tengok tv and paling best, masa lepak kat backyard

tengok langit aaaa best.hihi

And since aku pun dah dewasa (lol 25 kan) haha mostly topic lately ni memang terarah

pasal benda benda yang dewasa.

like, marriage. 

Handling emotions.

Jadi matang

Jobs and lifestyle.

Told ya, could be anything. haha best.

We are talking about finding a good spouse. aku rasa banyak kali juga aku always

tanya ibu. How to find a good one? After a few times aku takde luck, and ended up quite broken

rasa sangatlah trauma. But i have to actually. I mean, my parents themselves told us yang diorang

akan rasa lega once we settled down (read: get married). Rasa dah lepas semuanya haha. 

Tapi aku selalulah counter back "takde jodoh kahwin maknanya jodoh jaga ibu ayah! "

to which they only laugh it loud. Tak setuju sebenarnya haha.

the only answer i always got from ibu is "jangan tengok rupa, pandanglah attitude, behaviours & manners dia"

-- 100 felt that.

nowadays ramai sangat perempuan lawa and I can agree that.

Sampai satu tahap, aku rasa insecure.

tak rasa ada lelaki boleh terima my weaknesses. lol tahpape.

But, duluuuulah. Not anymoreeee. haha

Bila fikir balik , kenapa kena downgrade kan diri sendiri? Kalau rasa less pretty or our physique lacking, takpelah, 

kita work on our akhlaq, personality & attitude. Kan?

Jadi yang orang rasa vibes dia cantiklah haha. Okay lah kan.

Because to be very honest, umur macamni, aku sangatlah suka observe vibes orang.

Imagine someone fall for your kindness & compassion.

Isn't that something very cool and pure? I mean the feeling is real.

berbanding dengan orang yang cakap dia suka kau at first sebab rupa,

they failed to see parts of you yang lagi bernilai dari rupa tu..

imagine you got a fucking gold heart but people decided to jump to the other part?

bapak ah tak best. but maybe my own 2 cents kan.

aku selalu frust kalau ada kawan kawan aku yang downgrade kan diri dia

atas sebab tak ada sesiapa nak dekat dia.

padahal, nothing lacking. cuma insecure bab appearance,

baik, solat 5 waktu , ada manners & sayang parents. cool dah tu.

but decides to ignore all the good values to live up to nowadays people's standard.

aku seriously frustrated. but i can't do anything about it.

it's their feelings. diorang berhak rasa macamtu.

sebab dalam community pun dah brainwash kita

pretty & good looking privillege exists.

fret not, ada lagi orang utamakan good values other than just a face.

let your values shines, kalau rasa insecure with looks oki. chin up!

a good & kind heart is the real definition of beautiful.

And a beautiful soul attractive af.

mco 3.0 duhh.

my jaw literally dropped.
cant believe after one year ++ 
here we are again, facing another m c o

but oh well, not even surprised

just by watching all those incompetence m iniste rs which is
utterly useless & bunch of clowns who really did nothing

i am brutally honest, were very disguised and despised.

on how they're managing and handling things

very very veryy poorly.

cant even believe they really had the balls

to steal the spotlight 

and yet make this scene

i really hafto laugh at their very thirst of power

and dirty money.

like, very brave of you showing your stupidity publicly?

but again,

what do you expect from a b ack d o o  r gov erme n t.

a whole fucking mess.