Saturday, 2 December 2017


betapa gilanya masa boleh mengapa-apakan ke kita

adanya masa tinggalkan kita dengan kenangan

adanya masa membentuk aku menjadi hari ini

yang dengan masa juga, boleh untuk aku sentiasa ingat perkara yang telah
terjadi dengan izinNya

adanya masa hadiahkan aku waktu manis dan ajarkan aku apa itu airmata

adanya masa untuk aku selalu hargai sesuatu

kerana dengan masa, boleh mengambil sesuatu dari aku

masa dah hidup ini terlalu berharga.
terima kasih tuhan atas peluang yang terlalu manis ini.

if you're in the mood for some good and relaxed lullaby, here

go sit by the windows, better with while watching rains or ray of sun between the curtains .

smile dearself,

some healing time


Who thought that i'm gonna spend my weekend at home where i got A LOT of works to be done.
MasyaAllah. I don't know if my body or my mental are in the bad state or what.
But i am in  a deep stress right now.

Design this sem required a strong will and strength to keep me going. I always cried , when i am doing my works. I guess this sem is just not for me. I saw myself failing this semester and have to repeat everything. I don't know. I lost my way. I lost the spirit to do everything when i only had 3 weeks left before final.

My body against everything.
Even i am scared and afraid of doing this, but whenever i full force myself to not be manja with this stress, i still couldnt move myself .

I feel so guilty towards my parents for behaving so badly like this.
I feel so bad towards myself for being a loser to gave up in the middle of my dreams
I feel so useless.

When i decided to be back at home , collecting myself.
My spirit.
My everything.

I hope i could gain something when i back at si later.
May Allah still not giving up on me, to show me his guide.
Forgive me for all of this. Forgive me Ya Rabb .
Committed a of of sin but still being so unshameful to ask you many things.

Saturday, 28 October 2017

Last year (inshaAllah) archi student!


Pheww, such a long time no updates. Haha, makin busy der. Wouhoo aku dah masuk tahun terakhir degree in architecture :)))) Satu sem lagi then , i'm done. ((inshaAllah lah-- kalau passed....))

((Done = bye architecture, i refuse to meet you ever again don't ever pop up infront of me))
lol ok jkjk.

Part of me saying, cepat gila masa berlalu. Like seriously, pejam celik pejam celik dah masuk last year kot. Rasa macam baru semalam nyanyi lagu uitm dihatiku masa mds. Nanti karang nyanyi lagu dalam dewan pulaklah masa nak grad haha.

InshaAllah, pray untuk aku habis grad on time.
Sesungguhnya aku taknak ada repeat apa apa.
Design lagilah, repeat design mungkin aku akan consider untuk lupakan architecture terus
dalam hidup aku sobs. lol.

No joke, architecture is damn cancer.
Fikir nak quit, tiap masa.
Nak bunuh diri tiap kali nak crit sesh.
Nak terjun bangunan, nak cari idea concept.
lol, i get everything dalam dunia ni susah, but pls
architecture's is not funny if you're not taken it seriously.

3 tahun aku survived, memang lah rasa kejap gila tapi
proses nak ke tiga tahun tu, azab dia.
masyaAllah, menangis air mata darah kalau ingat balik.

Peritnya nak timba ilmu, demi taknak tanggung azabnya kebodohan tu.
sebak pulak tetiba ahahahha.


huwa nak nangis.

amende nak cakap.

Tuesday, 17 October 2017


There's nothing better than being at home. I don't know is this the sign that i've grown up and matured but at this age, i found myself at the the most happier state whenever i hang around my  family only. 

Nothing sucks coming at me.
I don't have to force myself to socialize around people that i feel so awkward.
My head at its ease. My heart didnt feel heavy-weighed.

Even if i am sitting alone.
Or having a small talk with my mom, i can really taste the happiness and smiles a lot.

But reality snatched everything. 
People says chase our dreams.
Work hard to earn money.
Society downgrades the low class people.

That's the core reason i had to force and muster up the courage to face the harsh reality. 
I am against myself's wills.
But that's what i called sacrificing.

God, why the shit is so unbearable in the reality? 

Monday, 3 July 2017

raya this year :)


guess i still can wish here, selamat hari raya! haha. lama tak tulis sini.
phew, baru jadi student belum kahwin and etc tapi masa nak lepak sini totally hard!
so how's everyone raya?

mine still, the same vibes.
cumanya, seriously time's walking too fast.
i couldnt grab anything. raya doesnt feels so much like raya before.
bila makin besar memang rasa macam ni ke?

lol maybe aku busy dengan intern before raya.
ikutkan hati nak sangat masa jalan laju sebab nak habis intern pastu yelah
been stayin at my friend's house so rasa tak manis nak buat kuak lentang sendiri ikut perangai suka hati yelah,
adab kat rumah orang heipp.

so , bila intern habis, maka puasa pun habis then terus nak raya. lahhh?
so not kewl lah.
but then still, the excitement still there.
on the way nak balik kampung still got that kid's punya feelings
lyke yayyy balikkk kampung sambil jamming ikut radio kan.

cumanya, this year tak banyak tangkap gambar.
tak jalan raya memana pun bcs taktahulah
pagi raya after sembahyang raya terus pergi ziarah kubur arwah opah dengan atuk
then shoot to rumah ibu punya abang, lepak situ untill tengahari
then gerak rumah kampung balik
petang je jalan kejap rumah sedara isteri abang ibu
malam pertama raya tu semua busy as heck sebab solat jemaah isyak
then buat sikit tahlil and khatam alquran then makan lah secara berjemaah juger.
i was wearing my raya's kurung dari pagi sampailah malam tu habis tahlil.

and yeah, aku pun tak lama kat kampung sangat raya this year sebab kakak exam.
so raya kedua dah balik nogori rumah pak andak then lawat pak uda.
itu aje.

but this week saved my raya!

pak uda belah ibu datang.
we had so much fun.
aku banyak kali lepak putrajaya tengok yang beca lampu lampu kayuh sdn bhd
tapi tak pernah naik lol
datang pak uda lmao naik!
then shoot to dataran prect 3, having small picnic lah then main rollerblade
((why rollerblade damn susah)) tak paham betul.

basically, thats how i spent my raya.
nothing much, but i did enjoy everything.
family time always best :')))))

Sunday, 4 June 2017

Felt like to write,  but seriously i am so sucks pouring my feelings out now.

How ironic life is when we wish to be surrounded with such an uplifting surrounding and positive vibes but turned out that we , ourselves being the cold ones?
I don't know how this thing became intense in my thinking mind but i am sure this happens to me a lot and people around me, too.

Oh sad life.

Ugly-ly, we hoped people would start to change themselves but we remain spreading the negativity. SO not cool duh. We sounded really like we had no brain lol. The truth when we wanna see changes happen, we must to start work on it by shaping ourselves first.  Isn it?

Sunday, 7 May 2017

9 years ago punya zaman

Yolo aku baru lepas tengok balik KAMI the movie, seriously 9 years ago punya movie mayn! Zaman indie nak up, rebel punya zaman untuk dak dak 90's lol. What a good way to relive the memories back! Aku hidup zaman tu weh, zaman yang boleh dikirakan a blessing in disguise. Even quite dark but then, i got a 'thing' from it. Sekarang semua dah besar, LJ is now a mother for 2 kids! Nas-T dengan Jue evans pun dah kahwin lmao. Tak sangka betul.

This is how destiny lead us to. Moga aku ada pengakhiran yang baik juga. 

                     Crush lama