Monday, 23 January 2017

gettin my own feet


Lemme start this entry with some flashbacks of my previous life.

i was that kind of girl,
who's afraid to walk alone.

I was that kind of girl
who can't stand being left out.

i was that kind of girl
who can't open my mouth in large circle of friends

i was that kind of girl
who always needed a company to almost everywhere i go..

i was that kind of girl
who can't go to a crowd without lifting my head

i was that kind of girl
who cried herself out almost everynight hating her introverted life so much

i was weak
i lack of confidence in myself..
i hate myself so much

nothing can ever compared to how much
i've cursed myself my life
whining over this unfair what God has given to me

i was that ungrateful shit..
yes i am...

but somehow, literally after 10- 12 years..
i finally awake

after what i've been went through
after all those buckets of my tears wasted
after all those bunch of vulgar and shit words out from my mouth..
after all those pains and hurts in my chest..

and now i can proudly say,
i finally can stand on my own feet...

everything seems unbothered to me..
i dont really care..

i grew selfish in my heart
and i don't give a damn

i can still be kind and nice to others
but still , i need to keep myself from any harm right?
everyone else did the same tho..

Chin up , dear self,

              "There's so much more to life than what you're feeling now
                        Someday you'll look back on all these days
                               And all this pain is gonna be invisible"