Monday, 1 May 2017

While being at kampung


Hi y'all i just got back from my dearest hometown. Nothing much changed except my mak yah just got a little touch from other people to re-paint the old wood wall which the colours almost faded. Time flies so fast, the last time i remembered the wall painted by my arwah Atok, about 10-12 years ago? So yeah, definitely the wall needed to have new 'cloth' to cover up its old colour. And mak yah looks so happy with the new vibes after that. Glad to witness that, like after finalleh. Haha. I'm missed my kampung so bad that i almost found myself would spacing out, like every single time tryna collect my thoughts left there.

Luckily i brought along my laptop yeah with my holy-disk which means a world to me because it full with my lavhhhh sigh whut do you expect from meh my fangirl stuff, bangtan thingy and so on. My sister literally did a very good job dragged me to watch bon voyage. Because up till now I haven't khatam kan the whole ep. Lmao and you dare to call urself a true Army, Nadia big fat useless. Gagag. It sure saved me before boredness hit me up.

Cut it out, i had really good times catching up all the memories with my mom and sister. We talked and laughed till extent to sobbing real hard because there's always a bitter things we tasted in our life. To be honest, everytime i went back to kampung, i felt recharged. It feels like the healing time for myself. I couldn't deny that, half of my soul lies at kampung. It held so many memories of mine when i was a kid and every each of em has brought so much colours and joy to me. Ahhhhh i wish i could turn back time. What a good old days, really.

I walked to every part of the house, with a little heartache. Every part of the house held its own stories to tell. Mine, mom ,sister ,cousin, all of us to sum it up. And I'll always cherishes that. I am so glad i still got somewhere in this world to call my hometown. Like really, a hometown. A place you'll gather when its Raya time. You get to lost in the embrace of your grandparents the moment you jumped out of the car. You play with your cousin. Fireworkkkk after a month of fasting yay! Whut a blessed me to be grant to all of this.

So re-climbing back the memories sure can make me smile a sec then get into a cloudy mood. Time is moving. Not everyone will stay by our side forever. I learnt that being an adult is more than being an adult. After went through some hard times losing my loves one, i always need to prepare myself to accept the lost of people around me. 2008 was when i learnt about this when my Atok left us. Followed by my opah in 2011 ;(( i felt like half of me was taken away. Losing my grandparents is... Unbearable, idk how ibu handled her feelings. Raya is not as happy as Raya before. And recently, my very sporting and nice uncle, passed away at the very young age ;(. I cried every night, everytime i had thoughts when some day my parents, would also left me behind. As much as i hope that will never happen, but that's how life's works, right? ya allah, please protect my family from any harm, ya Rabb.

3 days been there, watching the heavy rain poured out every evening. I love the scent, yknow the pretichor. The smell of it. The vibe. Im sucks at explaining it but whut i can tell is i am in love with that situation. During rainy days. Looking out thru the window, watching the cars motorcycles lorry etc passed by. My kampung isn't the same like before, too. The old people started to leave for a better place ;) It become less busy than before ;(. Im looking forward during Raya so that the road, the houses there will be filled with cars, people and the riuh rendah-ness so that the atmosphere wont feels that quiet and lonely. sorry dont how to explain that in english hahah.

These thoughts, when i start to organize it back, i came to a conclusion. This's what makes me wont give up in everything i does. How hard when my day was, when i started to give up, i need to remember all this. I had so much fun everytime am at kampung with my family. I need to hang in there a little bit so that i'll get to taste the sweetness of the feelings again. I got to climbed back all the memories because i went throught it. Time has brought me into it. If i ended it, how would i get to cherish it? I need to endure the bitterness of this life for the sake of good memories waiting ahead. Right? gagag. Wait Gawd whut a long ass-rant. Hahah.

Aite, i'll end here ;) . Talk to you again laterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

P/s: I succeed wearing kain batik for two whole dayyyy straight okay yayy.